She’s Got a Great Personality
Along with being plus-size my entire adult life, I also had the fortune (or misfortune) to be the “best friend” with the “great personality.” Yeah, I know it’s not really a compliment, and roughly translates to ‘she’s ugly as homemade sin’ but hey, you work with what you’ve got.
Luckily, I did have very well-meaning girlfriends who did their level best to keep me in dates. In the beginning, I did try to tell them “thanks, but no thanks.” That just didn’t work out too well. My girlfriends are a very…
sneaky creative bunch.
For the most part, my girlfriends and I had VERY different opinions on what we thought was my perfect match. This led to many
awful strange dates. Let’s just say that for a while, I kept a journal of my top ten worst dates. I stopped keeping it when I started having to figure out just which ones deserved the top spots. It got to the point where I think my girlfriends were intentionally setting me up with jackasses just so they could hear about the shenanigans later. Hell, maybe that’s even why I kept going.
As the girl with the ‘great personality,’ I thought I’d share with you some actual things my girlfriends told
not-future husband potential dates that they set me up with.
Here’s my, da ta dada, top 10:
- She has a hell of a laugh. What my girlfriend meant was that she thought I had the type of laugh that gets others to laugh even if they don’t know what’s funny. That’s just not how this translated. The guy who heard this one told me, “I figured you’d have a laugh like a hyena.”
- She’s very curvy. This may have changed a bit since I was in the dating pool, but I’m betting it still comes across as “boy, is she fat.” The date that heard this one told me, “Well, you’re definitely not as fat as I thought you’d be.” Yeah, that one ended about ten minutes later when I told him, “Well, she didn’t tell me you had a beer gut.”
- She’s adorable. This just has cat-lady written all over it. I suppose it didn’t help that during my years in the dating pool, I had a minimum of at least two cats. (In their defense, they were adorable).
- You always know where you stand with her. This one meant, she’s direct, which translated to she’s mean as a snake. Which I was. (If you’d lived in my neighborhood when I was in the dating pool, you’d understand why!)
- She’s got great work ethics. This translated to, she’s married to her job. Considering I had two to three at any given time, I suppose that was well-earned.
- She’s a straight-shooter. The guy who heard this one knew a little about me. So for him, this translated to ‘Beware, her ex-husband was a cop. His idea of a great date was to take her target practicing. She won’t miss.’
- She’s low-maintenance. The guy who heard this one said he thought I’d probably wear a shirt with stains all over it. (What’s interesting is that he still called to ask me out. What was that about?)
- She’s unique. The guy who told me about this one didn’t seem to have a clue what he thought my girlfriend meant by that. At the end of the date, he said, “I can’t tell you what unique means, but it describes you perfectly.”
- She’s independent. The guy who heard this one thought that meant I’d pick up the check. (I didn’t.)
- She’s old-fashioned. At the end of the night, this guy walked me to the door and offered to shake my hand (which was a relief). A few years later, we became good friends and he added a little more insight to it. He said, “When (your girlfriend) told me you were old-fashioned, I just knew there was no chance I was getting laid.”
Anybody else out there the girl with the personality? If so, I’d love to hear from you!
Thanks for stopping by.